astoryunravels

explanation of my identity

2009-11-19T04:14:34Z

Scorpio is the most misunderstood of all astrology signs. They are all about intensity and contradictions. They like to be aware of a situation and always know what's going on, figuring this out with their probing mind, on the other hand, they are interested in the occult, the paranormal, conspiracy theories and other types of similar unknown mysteries. They are very capable of hiding their true feelings and motivations, they often have ulterior motives or a hidden agenda.

Scorpios are all about control, they need to be in control at all times. To be out of control is very threatening, even dangerous to the Scorpio's psyche, when they control, they feel safe.

Scorpios are very emotional, their emotions are intensified, both good emotions and bad. Negative emotions of jealousy and resentment are hallmarks of this turbulent astrology sign. On the other side, Scorpios are well known for their forceful and powerful drive to succeed and their amazing dedication. Scorpios are constantly trying to understand their emotions through finding a deeper purpose in life.

Scorpios are very intuitive, but not as in a psychic sense, more as intuitive into the human mind, they have a great understanding of the mystery and the power of the human mind.

Scorpios have a fear of failure which they keep hidden extremely well, should their confrontation not be successful, or their career fail, they will simply use their adaptive skill to quickly move and and leave the bad experience behind. Do not ever expect them to fess up or share their tale with anyone however because this shows signs of weakness and Scorpio always wins, they are always the self-proclaimed best! One of the reasons they seem like they always accomplish their goals is because they set tangible short-term goals that they know they can accomplish, they know what they are capable of and this is what they go for.

Scorpios are very weary about trusting anyone, a person needs to gain their trust and this gets built up over time and once all the 'trust tests' have been passed, Scorpio loves deeply and intensely. Underneath the cool exterior, energies and emotions are constantly flowing but the Scorpio deals with this be channeling this into useful activities, hobbies, relationships or a career. This is never apparent to the outside observer but knowing this fact explains why Scorpios are so passionate about whatever it is that they are undertaking.

Scorpios have powerful instincts and they trust their own gut feeling which is another reason why a Scorpio seldom fails.

only fishey

2009-10-19T21:08:56Z

i haven't heard from you in foreverrr /:

i feel like this is the longest we've gone without talking.

i hope you know that if i could get a hold of you, i would-
just to say hi
& see how you are.

i texted your cell but i don't even know if you have that number anymore.
i would call your grandmas, but idk who will answer

or if anyone would get angry with my need to hear from you.
i'm sure there are many that would.

so i guess i'll just wait... & hope that you remember my number.
& that you will eventually miss our talks enough to call or visit.

i hope all is well.
loveyoufishey

astoryunravels @ 2009-09-30T18:22:00

2009-10-01T01:25:38Z

yea i miss you.
you were a fucking asshole,
but i can't help it.
it kills me that we don't talk anymore.
i wish i knew why
i miss you.

shits been difficult

2009-07-13T18:58:52Z

my brothers in jail

baby dylan is a handful

i got fired for some stupid shit

my "bf" hides things from me & i'm pretty sure he's currently lying to me
[but idk mang, he has these excuse stories that seem to explain things
i don't know whether i'm being a paranoid bitch gf who can't trust anyone
or if i'm about to ignore all these signs & be a stupid ignorant asshole who lets themselves get lied to over & over]

ughhh

plus my class is boring. & i have to drive out to la twice a week in traffic thats fuckin ridic.

yea- i'm bitching. oh well, its my lj.

astoryunravels @ 2009-06-01T23:22:00

2009-06-02T06:22:56Z

oh
hi
disappointment
no wonder i have trust issues
idk what reaction is expected or valid

anyway, meeting new people is fun
[:
perhaps i'll try to focus on that

oh and focus is def needed for my final tomorrow morning &on friday & papers on wednesday
>wish me luckkk

in case you didn't know:

2009-05-28T22:33:36Z

the courts sadly upheld the validity of prop 8
but decided that the marriage of same sex couples who got married before it was passed are still valid

http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-gay-marriage27-2009may27,0,7752874.story

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/27/opinion/27wed2.html?_r=1&scp=3&sq=proposition%208&st=cse

this situation is strange:

--its good that their marriages weren't dissolved, but now they're like a special class of citizens- the few lucky ca lgbt ppl who are legally married

--prop 8 was considered a ca constitutional amendment- which means that if the majority of people were to vote on repealing any 'minor right' that it would be valid [ie- banning free speech in ca would be constitutional under this ruling]

--this "amendment" goes against the FEDERAL constitution's Equal Protection Clause- which protects a minority groups rights & is supposed to prevent the majority of voting away their rights [hence the new federal lawsuit]

--the litigation language not only validated prop 8 because of the decision of amendment vs revision, but it also demeaned the dignitary right of the term marriage:
they stated that lgbt ppl had domestic partnerships with all of the same benefits as marriage [which is not completely true] so the argument over the label marriage is minor- which is endorsing SEPARATE BUT EQUAL

hahahahhah

2009-05-18T09:19:43Z

john (1:42:36 AM): if in 3 years neither of us have kids or are married, we can get married
me (1:59:03 AM): first of all- i don't really believe in marriage
john (1:59:09 AM): ok well just have kids
john (1:59:11 AM): maybe 5 years
john (1:59:22 AM): and maybe just married for tax purposes
me (1:59:23 AM): okay second of all- i kinda doubt i'll have kids
john (1:59:26 AM): i'll have great insurance
john (2:00:28 AM): actually i think our kids would be seriously fucked up
john (2:00:32 AM): even if adopted at a young age
john (2:00:37 AM): i think we have too many flaws between the two of us
me (2:00:43 AM): i completely agree
john (2:00:44 AM): they'd be super arrogant and really loud about it

also, this weekend: not the best
friday was fine, saturday was long at work then drama at night
& today / sunday i got to hold dylan & she fell asleep on my chest
[: so it ended good

also, my boyfriend is amazing, i don't deserve him.

<333

2009-05-11T22:14:54Z

long weekend

2009-04-16T00:28:13Z

so perhaps that bad thing that i was waiting to happen was
jessica getting toxemia- which made her dr. induce her 2.5 weeks early

as it turns out, everything was fine [:

she got there on thursday [so i came home thursday night] & she was not released until sunday because her blood pressure was still high- but now she's good.
she gave birth to dylan on friday 4/10 at 2:45 am
i was not prepared to be in the delivery room, ha, but it was quite the experience- i'm still amazed

dylan was 6 lbs even and 19.25" long with a full head of thick, black hair
she lost a little weight when she had trouble eating- because she kept falling asleep
but i'm sure she's back up by now

i already wanted to quit smoking, but dylan is my inspiration to do it now rather then later
today, weds 4/15 marks one full week
i know it's a good thing.. but damn i really REALLY want one!!

um. i think that's all i wanted to update on.
oh also- i went to class today, strange.

anxiety attack

2009-04-08T07:53:45Z

i haven't had one in forever
but i did tonight.

at first i was slightly stressin cause someone was acting strange / distant
then my mind began to wander about all the possible negative scenarios
& there it was, panic.

now i'm left with this extreme anxiousness
which usually means something bad is going to happen

idk why idk what but i feel it.

i'm anxious & sad now about some negative event that may or may not happen in the near future... strange.
i hate this feeling.

tv shows i watch:

2009-03-30T05:50:59Z

athf
arrested development
brothers & sisters
desperate housewives
entourage
family guy
free radio
fresh prince of belair
friends
grey's anatomy
heroes
it's always sunny in philadelphia
king of the hill
the l word
lost
man vs wild
married...with children
the office
project runway
pushing daises
real world
rock of love 1, 2, & bus
samantha who
scrubs
seinfield
sex & the city
shear genius
saturday night live
survivorman
that 70s show
top chef
tough love
ugly betty
weeds

gift ideas [:

2009-03-07T02:16:35Z

if you ever feel the need to get me a present
these are always good ideas:

whips
humus
alcohol
sugarfree rockstars
poker cards
anything scorpio related
headbands with feathers
brightly colored makeup
books on religion
movies: trainspotting, spun, the motorcycle diaries
yoga stuff
carmex chapstick

+ i'll continue to add

i'm definitely a scorpio

2009-02-27T20:03:53Z

Scorpios are the most intense, profound, powerful characters in the zodiac. Even when they appear self-controlled and calm there is a seething intensity of emotional energy under the placid exterior.

In conventional social gatherings they are pleasant to be with, thoughtful in conversation, dignified, and reserved, yet affable and courteous; they sometimes possess penetrating eyes which make their shyer companions feel naked and defenseless before them.

In their everyday behavior they give the appearance of being withdrawn from the center of activity, yet those who know them will recognize the watchfulness that is part of their character. They need great self-discipline, because they are able to recognize the qualities in themselves that make them different from other humans, and to know their utterly conventional natures can be used for great good, or great evil.

Their sensitivity, together with a propensity for extreme likes and dislikes make them easily hurt, quick to detect insult or injury to themselves (often when none is intended) and easily aroused to ferocious anger. This may express itself in such destructive speech or action that they make lifelong enemies by their outspokenness, for they find it difficult not to be overly critical of anything or anyone to whom they take a dislike.

They relate to fellow workers only as leaders and can be blunt to those they dislike to the point of cruelty.

Rebelliousness against all conventions, political extremism to the point where hatred of the Establishment makes them utterly unscrupulous terrorists. Brooding resentment, aggressive and sadistic brutality, total arrogance, morbid jealousy, extreme volatility of temperament, these are some of their vices.

Their overriding urge in loving is to use their power to penetrate beyond themselves and to lose themselves sexually in their partners in an almost mystical ecstasy, thus discovering the meaning of that union which is greater than individuality, and is a marriage of the spirit as well as of flesh.

+Scorpios can be unduly domineering in personal relationships, especially should they perceive their partner to be weaker than themselves. Their biggest problem is finding someone who, while strong enough to maintain a tempestuous lifestyle, is interesting enough to remain a challenge. Once they find the right person they will mate for life.

yayyy

2009-02-17T04:16:20Z

something to look forward to

i can't wait til this weekend

i really hope

2009-02-04T07:22:27Z

to see my boy crush & girl crush soon-

separately of course ha [:

boy this weekend at home
girl next week in la
mmm<3

oop

2009-01-27T06:14:31Z

i'm too cynical to change at the moment

astoryunravels @ 2009-01-20T01:41:00

2009-01-20T09:46:20Z

i feel like i don't wanna commit
i don't trust people enough
& i like having my freedom to be with anyone i want

but i do get tired sometimes
& something consistent may be good for me

hmmmmmm

i know i should make up my mind & not keep him waiting
but idk the difference between what i want & what is convenient

astoryunravels @ 2009-01-13T22:55:00

2009-01-14T07:03:46Z

hahahhaha people are HILARIOUS
trying to defend themselves or someone else
and then ultimately having to give up

because you KNOW i am right

idc at this point if you think i am a bitch-
i have always said that i am bluntly honest

this particular person KNEW this about me-
i remember them saying it to me
"people hate you and call you a bitch because you speak truth"

oh well i don't like people anyways.

but there isss one boy in particular that has been growing on me [:
i never knew that moving on could feel so fucking good

ughhh i have resulted to this-

2009-01-09T05:40:15Z

fuuuuuuck, i need to get my frustrations out
so:

fuck you bobbi
you have no idea who i am & you had NO right to say, much less yell, one word at me
oh & you can apologize about what happened to everyyyone BUT me?? WTF
FUCK YOU BITCH

fuck you victoria
i tried soo hard to be nice to you & pull you aside & talk to you & be honest
and you let bobbi convince you to try to kick me outta the appt
& you yell on new years that you dont want me over?
i have done NOTHING to you, not ONE FUCKING THING.

most of all, fuck you eddie.
fuck you for fucking with me
& fuck you for being a fucking liar
fuck you for sayin i couldnt hang out on new years just because i wouldnt talk to you
you KNOW why i'm not talking to you so don't act like an innocent little bitch
why don't you admit to victoria about all the shit you've been doing while you've been with her?
god damn it d00d i don't see how EVERYONE can see the shit you do
& victoria turns a blind eye
& how you lie to her & she somehow hates me. ME? fuck you asshole
FUCK YOU

if i could talk to you

2009-01-08T10:48:39Z

then i'd say
i loved you
you were one of my first loves
i did everything i could at the time to save our relationship
you broke my heart more than once
but i didn't let go
because i loved you
& i knew you loved me too
i loved you in a time where both our lives were shitty
we made horrible decisions
but we got through them
i like to think i was part of your recovery
and you were part of my reasoning to stay clean
i could look at you and believe
that we'd be a cute, old, sober couple
i really believed it, i believed you

this time i can't forgive you & pretend like nothing's happened
you let some random girl scream at me in front of everyone for no legit reason
you did not stand up for me, even as a friend

also, i'm not stupid, i know what's going on
you're going to have a baby

the only reason i'm writing this
is because i heard our song & thought of you
i remembered our past and thought if i wrote down what i felt
then i could let it go
yes, i loved you
but i don't anymore

this is why i cannot talk to you

"sweet ass sweet" ha

2008-12-07T10:19:28Z

(1:52:43 AM): you need someone stable and who can be there for you
(1:52:53 AM): not someone that's going to cause drama in your life and need you for support
(1:52:58 AM): for once you need to be the supported one
(1:53:14 AM): "i dont need anyone to support me i'm erin i'm super independent sweet ass sweet"
(1:53:17 AM): (my impression of you)
aclassicdisastor (1:53:24 AM): i dont really feel like i need someone to 'support' me
aclassicdisastor (1:53:26 AM): hahahhahah
(1:53:38 AM): :)
aclassicdisastor (1:53:42 AM): ...
(1:53:45 AM): haha i know you a lil
(1:53:55 AM): and it'd be nice for you to have someone erin
aclassicdisastor (1:54:02 AM): well i dont NEED someone
(1:54:05 AM): someone who's in it for you and not for themselves
(1:54:10 AM): everyone needs someone some times
aclassicdisastor (1:54:58 AM): meh
(1:55:02 AM): we dont really need to go in to this
(1:55:13 AM): but i would really like to see you with just a nice boy
(1:55:14 AM): or girl
(1:55:16 AM): just someone nice

omggg i'm dumb

2008-11-26T09:29:56Z

i lose feelings for the people that love me

& i go back & forth about people who either:
don't give a shit
are just friends

if i act on it- i'll lose what few friends i have left

& when i give up on others i lose the possibility of a good relationship

what ever happened to just casual hookups, eh? ha

continue the pursuit of justice

2008-11-06T01:33:22Z

i have never been so frustrated

i did not want to believe that there were so many ignorant, intolerant, close-minded Americans
the tragic thing is that most of them are just misinformed

gay marriage:
would NOT cause a higher spread of aids
would NOT make more people gay
would NOT affect your children negatively

i think it's funny that main arguments for it include the importance of family & the upbringing of their children-

i do not understand how raising your children in a world where some people are given privileges that others are denied is a world worth fighting for
WHY would you want your children to think that homosexuality is beneath heterosexuality?
WHAT IF your children are gay & have to live with this discrimination & hate?
& even if they are straight, you are teaching them that this discrimination is justified.

you would rather keep marriage to a man & woman, even though divorce rates are ridic- somewhere around 60% ?
you think that a single parent home is a better family environment than a two gay parent home?

children do not need a mother AND father to grow up well educated & loved,
they need parents, gay or straight, to support them
& to teach them to be accepting of others-
two women or two men are just as capable (if not more) to raise a family.

&besides children, who are you to tell someone else that they cannot be officially married to the person that they love?
yes they have domestic partnerships, but NO that is not enough.
why should they have to accept anything less than what other people receive?

IF YOU BELIEVE IN EQUALITY
then you MUST have voted no on 8
& you MUST sign the petition below...

'there is nothing worse than doing nothing'
so continue pursuing what is right- sign this petition to re-open prop 8 for california
http://www.petitiononline.com/seg5130/petition.html

prop 8

2008-10-30T23:38:26Z

"i'm voting yes on 1, 2, 3, 5, & 12
but no on everything else

i'm not so sure on the letter ones though [there are specific la ones for programs that all sound amazing- but they're all really expensive]

oh, & i just got into a debate right now w/my roommate about 8. shes not sure how to vote & i'm getting very frustrated that her only reason is "i want to uphold the special sanctity of marriage- which is supposed to be a man and woman"
i don't get it.
why do some people think that they should have the ability to with hold something like that? i mean, marriage isn't necessarily a right, but why should some people receive a privilege that is denied to others?
&where else did this image of man+woman come from besides religious institutions? isn't there supposed to be a separation of church & state?!
slidfnalsiflk"
-from me to matt

"the only place this "man/woman" ideal came from is the bible. homosexuality has been around at least since the romans first appeared. most of the ideals in this country ARE based off of the bible and its "commandments." its frustrating and theres really know way out until our generation is old enough to run this country. obama, the lesser of two evils. not saying hes evil, its just that there are certain tings that are inescapable when someone is president. for example, when obama is elected, he will still be expected to wage war on pakistan(either that or palestine, hah not sure). give us twenty years and we'll be kicking major political butt.

hah wow i kinda went off subject."
-from matt to me

we get it. i hope you do too.

oh yea, & youtube "you can vote however you like" -cuute [lyrics are under 'more info']

astoryunravels @ 2008-10-02T22:26:00

2008-10-03T05:33:32Z

when i said i was disappointed
it wasn't with you [you can do whatev i dgaf]
it was in the fact that you reminded me of someone else
someone who was irresponsible & immature
& now that image won't go away
& it'll never be the same

i'll continue to keep my distance
& you'll continue to pretend that it doesn't bother you